Who I am, who I'm not, and who I ought to be.

It does not feel like Christmas time in the LEAST bit.

I’ve only got bits and pieces of presents for people. But really, it’s not about that. I’m trying to be cheery, and do all the Traditional Christmas stuff. I try and watch whatever Christmas movie is on tv, Igive into to my mom on occasion, and grit my teeth while we listen to the Christmas music, and I even DESPERATELY tried to get our house lit up beautifully. But no. The freaking lights hate me. It all hates me.

I know that “Jesus is the reason for the season” but I’m so stressed with my cousin, my lack of money, straightening out car things, working out, and blah blah blah that I’ve completely forgotten about Jesus and honestly, I’m a little cold hearted at Him right now.
I wish I wasn’t, but I am. And I guess that’s why things are feeling crappy.

On a side note, I did see my cousin and I don’t even know how to explain it and a lot of it is just miracles and another part of it just breaks my heart and jeez, just. Liz. I love her so much. More than I ever knew. Jeez.
And I did get my car. Which is fantastic. Finally. It’s here. Finally. FINALLY. 
I also weighed myself today and was so scared and freaked out I nearly broke my legs. ugh. kjljrngtkjrnb I WANT TO DIE I REALLY DO. I’ve never really cried over my weight before but now I can say I have cause just. It’s not pretty.

Just want some Christmas spirit. 

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